


when peter parker only has one brain cell

by Middlemist1



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Spider-Man Interacting with New Yorkers, When Peter only had one brain cell, short but hilarious i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25095280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Middlemist1/pseuds/Middlemist1
Summary: In which Peter stops some guys from robbing a bar, is offered a free drink, and has no idea what to say.———“So, do you want anything to drink? It’s on the house,” he told me.“Oh no, that’s fine, I can’t drink,” I told him, not thinking.Oh shit.He opened his mouth to speak. “How old ar—““I’m pregnant!” I blurted out. Wait, what?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 145





	when peter parker only has one brain cell

I was swinging around Queens, and just as I turned a corner I heard a loud bang.

_ Here we go again. _

By the time I got to the scene, two men wearing masks were fleeing a small bar, both carrying bags presumably filled with cash.

“Nope!” I shouted, webbing their legs up.

“What the fu—“ one of them shouted before I covered his mouth with another web.

“Nope to that too. Let’s keep it PG people.” I shouted through the whistling wind.

I heard sirens in the distance, police already coming to the scene.

I debated leaving, but I figured I could give a statement to make sure nothing escalated too badly. (Something that had, unfortunately, happened several times after I left).

“Thanks Spider-Man!” I heard someone shout form behind me.

I turned around to see a younger man walk up to me.

“Can I get you anything as a thanks?” he said

“Umm, what?” was my intelligent reply.

After a second he laughed, before gesturing at the bar.

“I work here,” he responded.

I nodded, “Oh. Well, you’re welcome!”

The man smiled, before reaching out his hand, “I’m Dave, nice to meet you officially.”

I shook his hand (a little harder than I intended to, what with me still coming down from an adrenaline high and super strength not always being the easiest thing to control).

“So, do you want anything to drink? It’s on the house,” he told me.

“Oh no, that’s fine, I can’t drink,” I told him, not thinking.

Now he looked confused, “Oh, really?”

_ Oh shit. _

He opened his mouth to speak, “How old ar—“

“I’m pregnant!” I blurted out.  _ Wait, what? _

His eyebrows shot up, “Really?”

“Umm... yep, yep, I’m... I’m pregnant. That’s why I can’t drink. No... no other reason,” I had no idea what I was saying.

“Oh... well, congratulations,” the man said, scratching the back of his head. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

“It’s a, uh, spider.” There was a beat of silence.

“Well, I’ve got to go now!” I said, before shooting my webs at the nearest building and taking off. The police didn’t really need me anyway.

As I webbed away from the scene of my greatest embarrassment, my face probably bright red, I remembered I had an AI who recorded my every move.

“Hey, Karen?” I asked.

“Yes, Peter?” she replied, sounding in the verge of laughter despite being an robot.

“Delete all footage of that encounter,” I told her.

“Hmm... one moment please,” she told me.

“And Karen?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s agree to never speak of this moment again. Ever.”

“Of course Peter.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! (I literally just wrote this on my notes app and was laughing the whole time)


End file.
